A guy walks into a bar . . .

Lately it has been like Evening at the Improv around here. The kids are fascinated with jokes. They can't get enough. I don't remember how it started, but it didn't take long before we were searching online for jokes, checking out joke books from the library, and trying to come up with our own jokes.

Katie has actually come up with a few "real" jokes. I should have written them down, because it seems I have already forgotten them. Bad Mama.

Tonight Tom came up with one. He has a toy that is a car that fits inside a train. The cars wheels serve as wheels for the train as well. Anyway, his joke was "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Truck! Truck who? That truck has TRAINING wheels!" Ok, so he doesn't quite understand the Knock! Knock! format, but he did get the play on words.

Besides being a lot of fun, it is amazing how much "learning" mileage we've gotten out of this joke obsession. They have picked up lots of new words and expressions. They are willing to let something unfamiliar go by when we are reading a story, but NOT in a joke. They've been rhyming. A surprising number of kid-friendly jokes are based on rhyming words. They are understanding in a deeper way that words often have multiple meanings. And perhaps most importantly, they are practicing playing around with language. They are paying attention to words and looking for different ways to put them together to find the humor.

Like the owl says, "It's a real hoot!"

Happiness is hard, damnit!

I have realized that practicing mindfulness is an awful lot like physical exercise. When you do it you feel great. You realize that it isn't really difficult and you are glad you put out the effort. But it is hard to keep doing, easy to get out of the habit.

I don't fully understand why this is so. Regular exercise makes one feel so much better, but most folks (including me) need to force themselves to do it. Being attentive to your own life from moment to moment makes that life better. One would think that the contentment it generates would motivate me to do it more. I suppose it does, but at the same time, it is so easy to not do it at all.

I tend to live all up in my head, and anywhere from 10 minutes to 10 years in the future. It is a habit I've cultivated for decades. It takes real effort to stop the planning, worrying, imagining, and general buzzing of my brain and just pay attention to what is happening right now, right in front of my eyes.

But when I do, life is so much more interesting. The kids are more amazing, and I respond to them more effectively. My husband is more charming, and we get along better. Each bite of food tastes better. Each stretch of the arms feels better. The chores become easier. I sleep better. I am a happier person.

I guess nothing comes easy, most especially happiness.

Movies You Just Gotta See Again . . . And Again

I want to see Jesus Christ Superstar . . . again. Every couple of years I get this overwhelming urge to see that movie. It's one of those movies that I know isn't all that good, but that has wormed its way into my brain and won't leave. It has been taken up by my neurons and will forever be a part of my cellular composition. I suppose everyone has a list of these films. Here are mine: Joe Versus the Volcano, The Doors, Strictly Ballroom, To Sir With Love, Excalibur, Bye Bye Birdie. There are probably more.

I notice that, with the exception of Excalibur, there are the common threads of music and bright colors. This may shed some light on my tolerance for children's television, as well as my years of Rocky Horror attendance. What can I say? I have simple tastes.

Recycled Art

Lately I am very interested in recycled art. I love the notion of using trash to make something beautiful, interesting, useful or just fun. This does not come from any noble desire to free up landfill space. Mostly it comes from being a cheapskate. I want to have hobbies, but I hate to spend money on them. Also, it is easier to take risks and try new ways of doing things when you are working with basically free materials. So what if you waste a jelly jar trying to create a glass windchime? Just eat more jelly and try another approach. Plus, just thinking about how to create something from the stuff that is all around you is great training in creative thinking. You start to see all these new possibilities for old items. And creating something of value (if only to you) from something deemed worthless is simply satisfying.

Now, I have to admit that I yet to do much with this interest. I have helped the kids with a few recycled art projects, and plan to continue to do so. And I do have a few specific project ideas just for me percolating around in my brain. I am hoping that writing this will help me actually move forward with those ideas. We shall see.

Reading is Fun

The kids have signed up for the summer reading program at the library. They both have a 45-book goal, and if they reach it, they get a bag with some cheap toys and coupons for ice cream and whatnot.

Last year they also participated, but they weren't very aware that they were participating. I just jotted down the books we read and turned in our list at the end of the summer. I didn't make a big deal out of it because I didn't want to send the message that reading is something one must be bribed to do. That seems to put reading right up there with brussels sprouts and cleaning your room. Why were we in the program at all, you might ask? Because the librarians showed the prizes to the kids. I don't feel so strongly about this to be a killjoy!

But this year, not only did they remember the prizes they got last year, Katie was able to read all the signs in the library promoting the program. She spent a couple of weeks asking when (oh when!) would it start. Then we signed up and she was so excited! She was wanting to read, read, read. I actually experienced a great deal of disapproval because I didn't like seeing her reading just to log as many books as she can. I want her to read because she enjoys reading, not as a means to get toys and stickers. My sensible husband had to remind me that this is something fun that the kids are excited about. Perhaps it doesn't fit with the idyllic vision of learning for the sake of learning, but it is, after all, not so very important.

Now I have loosened up and am willing to be excited right along with Katie. Of course, now the novelty has worn off and she has moved on to a new obsession. Halloween. Reading about it, pretending it, planning for it. Well, maybe a Halloween party in July could be fun!

So Maybe I Was Wrong, But Still . . .

In an earlier post I said that forcing kids off the diving board would not work to get them over their fear of jumping off. Today I observed kids jumping happily and proudly off the diving board. Some of these were just last week screaming in terror as they were being pushed off. Not to turn a blind eye to the evidence, I must retract my previous statements regarding the effectiveness of this teaching method.

I still don't agree with it, and I won't let either of my children be subject to it. Today I had that resolve put to the test. Katie's instructors announced that they were going to put on life jackets and go the deep pool today. Katie immediately started crying. I came over, calmed her down, and told her that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. I didn't even bother confronting her teachers about it, just let it be clear that it was Katie's choice. She actually surprised me and marched over with the rest of her class. It wasn't long before she was paddling around, happy as a clam. She even allowed one teacher to lower her off the diving board into the arms of the other. She was beaming with pride! I don't think she would have felt the same about her accomplishment if it had been forced from her.

Choices

Today we took the kids out for fast food. This is a rare treat for us, so it was a big deal. Katie had been lobbying to go to Burger King because we often drive by one that has a prominent play area. That would have been fine, but I made the mistake of asking the kids where they wanted to go.

First they both said Burger King. Then the wheels in Katie's head started to spin. She remembered back a year to the only time we've eaten at a Burger King. The kid's meals had Star Wars toys, and Katie was upset because there were no "girl toys". She started explaining to Tom that if we went to Burger King, there would be no certainty of getting a gender-appropriate toy. Tom was swayed and they both announced they wanted to go to McDonalds.

OK. Only there were no McDonalds with play areas near, and we weren't even sure where one might be. We told the kids they had to decide which was more important, boy and girl toys, or a play area. Never ask two siblings to decide between two options. Tom said that a play area was critical. Katie, of course, said a girl toy was the important thing.

We had allowed ourselves to land in the position of having to choose between the two, pick a third alternative that no one wanted, or scrap the mission altogether. Matt flipped a coin. McDonalds. Tom cried. Katie gloated, but just a little. We ordered our food, got our drinks, found a table and cracked open the Happy Meals. Katie and Tom got identical cars from the movie Cars. Katie's turn to cry.

It seems our careful parenting had resulted in a lot of fuss and no one getting what they really wanted. We did enjoy our french fries, though.

But if You Do Put Barbies in the Dryer . . .

. . . a strong-toothed comb works wonders. I stayed up late last night combing out the solid mats of fuzz that were once doll hair. The Barbies ended up with hair that looks like the "before picture" in a conditioner commercial, but it at least looked like hair. When Katie woke up this morning, I was prepared for much sadness. When she looked at her dolls I explained that the dryer made their hair fuzzy and I apologized sincerely.

She said "I don't care. I don't like it when the dryer makes it look like it's not hair, but I don't mind this." (She has some experience with what the dryer can do to stuffed animals.)

How nice to be surprised by my child's sensible reaction!

Don't Put Barbies in the Dryer

Oops!

Poor Tom

Lately I've been feeling bad for Tom. He is suffering from being the youngest. Being the youngest myself, I have much sympathy for his situation.

Katie gets to take a fun swim class. Tom could take the swim class, but I don't think he is ready. He needs to be able to pay attention to the teacher and do what she asks. He isn't very into paying attention and following instructions yet. He can do it, but not for long and only when the stars are properly aligned. More importantly, he has said he does not want to take the class if they want him to put his head under water, and they do.

Katie is starting to make friends that are not Tom. Usually Tom is Katie's best friend and playmate. Even when she has a friend come over, Tom is still included in the fun, but he is no longer essential. The fun can go on without him. He is no longer actively recruited into the games. And sometimes he is left at loose ends for what to do with himself. It's good for him, but not much fun.

Since Katie has just lost her first tooth, just moved into a "big kid carseat" (booster seat), and is starting to read, there has been a little extra excitement in her life that I think Tom is noticing and missing. Right now he is in a period where nothing much out of the ordinary is happening. The glory days of potty training are behind him, and there is nothing on the near horizon to take its place.

Now, while I am quite happy to make a big deal out of Tom's sad plight in my blog, I don't really think it is much more than a little bump in the road. It will not be long before he is basking in the spotlight, taking on new challenges, accomplishing grand feats of development. I can't wait to see what they will be.

Sink or Swim

I may have a huge challenge coming up. I may have to assert myself with strangers. Here's the story:

Katie is in a swimming class. She is in the "starter" class for 3-5 year olds. The point of the class is to get the kids more used to being in the water and get them comfortable with putting their faces in and with going under the water. The pool is only three feet deep. Katie loves it. I think it is a good class for her and am glad to see her excited about it.

The next level class is a lot more hardcore. In the first week of class (class meets every day Monday through Thursday) the kids were strapped into life jackets and marched over to the big pool several times. They have gone down the big blue slide that swooshes you all around and spits you out. They have gone down the shorter slides that shoot you out into deeper water. They have jumped off the diving boards into really deep water.

Katie is very focused on the idea of graduating into the "big kid swimming class". She is pretty timid of water and hates to get water in her face, especially her eyes. She is trying to overcome this. She practices trying to put her head under water during every bath. She can often be seen splashing water into her eyes to get used to "water eyes". She has her eyes on the prize!

The problem is that in the "big kid swimming class" there is no allowance for timidity. Kids that don't want to jump off the diving board are nudged off. Kids that are genuinely afraid to jump off are pushed. Kids that refuse, screaming in terror, are picked up and thrown off. This is happening in full view of the approving, but embarrased parents.

OK, I can see the argument for this approach. A kid that is scared to jump into the water will never overcome the fear if they never jump in. In theory, the timid child will be pushed in the water, realize that nothing bad happened, and will be less scared next time. This is an age-old way to teach kids to swim. Only I think it doesn't work very well. If it did work, then why are the same kids being peeled off the edge of the slide, screaming bloody murder, day after day? And even if it works, at what price? To me, learning to swim is not important enough to merit being traumatized day after day.

So what to do? I could find a class somewhere else where these tactics are not used. Then, when Katie has picked up some swimming skills, we can go back to this pool and she can do the "big kid" things she is so excited about.

But maybe I can't find another class that we can afford, that works for our schedule and that I'm confident is better. I could tell Katie that we won't be enrolling in the next level class. We will be done with swimming classes this year once she has gotten all she can get from the starter class. I don't want to do that. It would break her heart.

My last option is to talk with the pool manager and the instructor for the Level 1 class. I will have to make it clear that I will not tolerate anyone trying to force Katie to do things in class that she isn't willing to do. And then I will have to watch the classes (I already do that), prepared to jump up and start yelling if someone starts pushing my kid off the diving board. I should be able to do this. I should have the ferocity of a lioness if someone is trying to push my baby off a diving board, but honestly the thought is pretty scary. Maybe as scary as jumping off the high dive into water thirteen feet deep.

Complaining

My husband is making it very hard for me to keep up my blog. Granted, I could probably manage to write during the day, but I prefer to do it after the kids are in bed. But in the evenings if Matt isn't doing something with me he is on the computer!

We need another computer in the house. Well, we have another computer, or two or three. We need another one that is plugged in and actually working. But where? Ok, we need a bigger house.

They Grow Up Too Fast

Katie has her first loose tooth. Matt discovered it was loose when he was helping her brush (yes, we are a bit dentally uptight). When she showed me, I almost cried. I was expecting her to start losing her baby teeth in the next two years, not the next two days!

Come to think of it, she has done a lot of growing up this week. On Sunday she graduated from a five-point harness car seat to a booster seat. I look in my rearview mirror and I don't see my baby back there anymore. I have to keep looking back just to get used to seeing her looking so much like a big kid.

She started swim classes on Monday. It is so cool to watch her trying so hard and yet still having so much fun. She just about glows with excitement. She even went under the water for a moment today and only cried a little.

Just today she has started reading anything and everything. For awhile she has been able to read many many words. She just hasn't been interested in doing so. Today as we were driving along she was shouting out the street signs to me. She read "Hydraulic"! This afternoon she declined to be read to in favor of reading to herself.

And now is losing her first tooth.

But at bedtime she still requested her ragdoll to sleep with. She still wanted me to "say the good-night things". And she told me she loves me "all the way around the world". So maybe it's true when I tell her that she will always be my baby, even when she has babies of her own.

Beware the Walmart Brain Wipe

On the way to buy groceries at Walmart tonight I had two great ideas for blog entries. I was in the store for an hour. I now have no idea what I was planning to post. That place saps all the energy from my brain. I enter full of plans and ideas, my brain happily buzzing along. I walk out like Jack Nicholson at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I suffer this experience on a weekly basis just because I can get my groceries and most of the other odds and ends I need to pick up all in one trip. Is it worth it? At the moment I am too braindead to answer that question.

Mud Party

Yesterday we had a "Hooray for Mud" party.

As usual, I started out jazzed about the idea and the kids and I started planning. I love planning things, more so sometimes than actually doing them. In the planning stages things can still be any way you want them to be.

Then we sent out email and snail mail invites and I immediately felt that the party was a bad idea. I mean, you don't hear of too many mud parties. There's probably a reaon. If kids want to play in the mud, surely they can just do that at home. No need to come to my house to do it.

Then I got a little flurry of responses and started to worry that too many people wuld show up and our infrastructure wouldn't be sufficient (not enough chairs, not enough mud, etc.). We always invite more people than I am really comfortable with. The kids always want to invite everyone they know, even though they do better with small groups. I never know if I should let them make the guest list decisions, or if I should step in and keep things small for their own sakes. Of course, we know lots of kids from our homeschool group, and I hate to leave anyone out. So, we always invite everyone and assume (hope) some will not come.

After the initial flurry died down, there were a few days with no responses. For awhile it looked like we would have a 2-year old, a 3-year old, a 4-year old, a 5-year old and 10-year old. I thought I should probably email the older girl's mom and let her know that her daughter might not want to come after all. Once I became resigned to hosting a very small party I sent out a reminder and then got a flurry of last minute RSVPs. My guest list quadrupled overnight! Back to worrying about too many guests!

Then the day of the party arrived and I stopped worrying about things because I suddenly realized that I had a lot of shit to do and not much time to do it! Perhaps it would be more efficient to spend less time worrying and more time actually preparing. Interesting idea.

So we had the party. Not everyone showed up, but it was a nice sized crowd. There were not enough chairs really, but it didn't seem to matter. There was plenty of mud. Plenty of food. No one ran out into the back half of the yard and got covered in sand burs (I posted "Beware" signs). Katie played with the girl from across the street, which was nice because they have been flirting with becoming friends for years now. Overall I would judge the party a success. Now that it is over I have to wonder what all the worrying was about.

My daughter is weird . . . but, then so am I

Today when I was driving, Katie said to me from the backseat "Mama, when you die . . ." Long pause. "Tom and I will go to your funeral."

I said, "Thank you."

Why, oh why am I still awake?

I should be in bed. I'm hosting 15 kids tomorrow to play in the mud in my backyard. I need sleep. I never get enough sleep, and yet, here I am at the computer, deciding that I really must must must start a blog . . . now. This is not the behavior of a rational human being.